*******************
Save your advice
Cos I won’t hear
You might be right
But I don’t care
There’s a million reason why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants
-Selena Gomez (The heart wants what it wants)
*******************
‘What?’ Was the first thing she yawned out when she picked up after he had called and texted…
… and call and texted
…and called and texted endlessly practically pleading in his texts. He wanted to argue it out with her at first but why waste time about that? He would just go straight to the point.
‘What is a vasectomy?’ He asked.
Tobi was in the restroom after politely excusing himself from that lousy lady who Jo introduced to him earlier tonight. It was only the three of them on the table and the lady never had her mouth shut. Not for a minute. It’s not like Tobi really had any trouble with her being a talkative but why does she really have to involve him in a conversation that has anything to do with medical terms? He could tell she already assumed he was a doctor the way she was talking to him like a pro. Jo was there so all he really had to do was keep a sealed lip with a plastic fake smile and nodding whenever it looks like she wants him to agree to whatever it is she was saying.
Then Jo was invited to one of her superiors table and he was left with the lady. Alone.
All he wanted at that very moment was alien abduction.
‘My husband and I agreed he should have a vasectomy nextweek. I don’t know why I’m having second thoughts about it after we’ve both agreed he’d do that after our third child. Now our baby is five and we think now is the right time. I don’t know why I’m thinking this is a bad idea. But I’d like to ask you, as a guy, what do you think about vasectomy?’
That would have been easy to answer if he knows the meaning of the vasectomy thingy.
So that was how our dear Tobi took a trip to the restroom.
‘Has it never occurred to you I might be busy? Sleeping?’ Tori’s voice simply signifies frustration.
‘Well, sorry to disturb you about those unimportant things you were busy doing. Can you please help me out?’
‘You really have no shame when it comes to asking for help do you?’
‘Please?’
‘Huh… Really? It’s late already.’ She moaned.
‘What is vasectomy?’
‘Seriously? You woke me up because of ‘that’? You must be kidding me. Can’t you consult Google? Huh?’
‘You think I haven’t tried that. The network here is completely out!’
‘Then, the dictionary on your phone at least?’
‘Seriously? Do I look or sound like someone who keeps such things? Huh? What’s the fuss about anyways, you are already awake. Just go ahead and answer?’
‘It’s even one of the basics. Who doesn’t know what a vasectomy is?’
‘This guy here. Let’s just assume I’m not of a fan of basics or whatever you call it?’
‘Fine. A vasectomy is a surgical division of all or part of the vas deferens….’
‘Vas difference? Really? Are you really going to do this to me right now? Just tell me you don’t want to answer.’
‘Deferens not difference…’
‘Who cares? Just put it in lay man English…’
‘It is an ‘operation’ that makes a man unable to produce sperm during sex thereby making it impossible for him to make a woman pregnant.’
‘Bye.’ He said as he ended his call hurriedly. He doesn’t want that lady thinking he’s got diarrhoea or something.
Confidently patting his suit and adjusting his tie, he walked back to the lady.
And after some minutes…
‘…so, I don’t really think it’s really a good idea. You guys shouldn’t make that mistake.’ Tobi finished his speech and he could hear some invisible applause.
‘Thanks so much. It was quite nice talking to someone about it. It would have been a shame if I really have to do it and forever regret it.’ She was quite impressed
‘Well, what do we have here? What were you guys discussing?’ Jo said as she sat back down. She had this inquisitive look in her eyes.Tobi could feel relief sweep over him and at the same he felt so proud of himself.
‘Doctor Tobi and I had to talk about vasectomy.’
‘Doctor Tobi?’ Jo was quite surprised at first then a soft smile crossed her lips. ‘Interesting. I never knew you had interest in those kind of things.’ That was meant for him.
‘I actually don’t like boasting.’ Tobi said smiling back at her.
If that’s not boasting. I don’t know what is.
‘Well, ‘Doctor,’ ‘ Jo had a strong emphasis on the ‘doctor’. ‘Would you marry someone with an oesophagus?’
There was no way he could escape to the restroom this time. He was trapped and he just had to gamble his answer through.
‘Actually, having an oesophagus is not the end of the world. Although it’s a rare case and people with oesophagus tend to give up on life easily. Some even go ahead to commit suicide because they think no one will marry them. If the oesophagus is in the early stage, I can still….’
The shrill laughter both ladies gave told him he had said something completely wrong. Something very wrong and they were so mocking him.
His escape route was the restroom even though his excuse request wasn’t granted because both ladies were busy laughing, he went to the restroom anyway.
Tori had to do the facepalm thing. Her face completely buried in her palm in utter disbelief. Is he really human? He obviously didn’t go through primary school. She had nothing to offer but embarrassment at his ‘oesophagus story’
‘Did you really tell them all that?’ She asked to be sure she heard right.
‘Yeah. I said something wrong right?’ He really didn’t want to hear the affirmative as her reply.
‘Something so wrong nothing in this world has ever been wrong before. Something so unbelievable too. Seriously? How did you make it through primary school?’
‘You can’t blame me. It sounded so much like a disease I thought it had something to do with cancer. So are you going to tell me the meaning now?’
‘No. Download a dictionary and see the meaning yourself.’ And she hung up.
How is he possibly going to face Jo and her friend?

Ā©FIYAH


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Cirphrank iWrite
I'm your next crib e-biz lover, web designer, poet, freelance content writer, and unusual kind of blogger.

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